( Author's note: Not to sure how I feel about this one. Also to get the full effect, imagine me reading this. By now, if you know me well enough, you should know how I would read this. 'Ya know, snobby & sarcastic. ;) )
60 pills
2 a day
Should last about a month
You see, I've been dealing with this
Shit for over a year now.
8 pills left
2 a day
Should last 4 days
I can't say I'm addicted to
These pills
Because you can't get addicted to them.
But I am addicted to them.
Not scientifically or however you want to describe an
Addiction
But the idea of them.
To be honest, these pills suck now.
They worked at first,
Making me loopy as hell.
I didn't feel a thing,
I was numb to the outside world and I was
Invincible.
I pretty much thought that this high would last
Forever.
I was oblivious.
So now is about the time the 'low' hits.
8 pills left
2 a day
Should last 4 days.
I think it's all in my head.
This addiction crap,
I mean it is obviously,
But I'm addicted to the fact that
These pills used to work,
Even though I don't admit it.
I'm afraid.
I have four days left.
Four major pain free days,
Four minor pain filled days.
What's going to happen to me
In four days?
Is it going to be so
UNBEARABLE
that I can't take it?
Will I need to form a new
Addiction?
Perhaps I'll take up drinking to ease this
Pain.
I always did like the whiskey my parents kept in the cabinet.
I loved the burn,
And the way it made my stomach all warm.
Almost like sitting in front of the fire
In the dead of a winter's night
With my favorite book and tea in hand.
But that's all an illusion.
What happens when they realize
All the whiskey is gone?
Being the oldest child,
I can't blame it on my brother's kick-ass party while they were gone.
Or my sister's friend said she drank it all the time,
But they drank a little bit too much.
Perhaps I'll visit an old friend,
He'd be so glad to see me.
I was addicted to him once too.
That subsided,
But it never went away.
It just fell asleep,
Only to be awakened when I couldn't
Bare this pain any longer.
My friend was always cold.
When he touched my skin,
It was like electricity.
And when he bit my arms and thighs, it made me bleed.
You see, my friend was not a man, he was a blade.
You would have never guessed it, huh?
Jessica,
A cutter?
No.
But the truth is, I was.
Until I got sick of wearing
Sweaters in the middle of the summer.
0 pills left
2 a day
Time to form a new addiction.
-Jessica
